A Life, Meaningless.

    From birth, the human mind forms from nothing. Furthermore, it obtains, retains, and sustains everything presented. In this way, we are genuinely Tabula rasa, a blank slate. As Aristotle puts it, "What it thinks must be in it just as characters may be said to be on a writing tablet on which as yet nothing actually stands written: this is exactly what happens with mind.” (Book iii ch 4). 

Life can be described as meaningless, from a blank slate having no meaning, but our choices; bring meaning. 

    John Watson has said, "Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select — doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief, and yes, even beggar-man and thief," (82). 

    We are raised in specific ways, and it seems we still can deviate from any value acquired. We can stray from the paths laid during our childhoods, specific values that were instilled growing up. It seems that we are free to do so. Every day we wake up, we have choices to make. These choices design who we become.

    It appears we have an abundance of options. Every day, these alternatives can be chosen at our discretion. Choices are the result of the freedom each of us has. This freedom is beyond the idea of our mind's conception of it. This freedom is precisely our curse; as Jean-Paul Sartre says, we are "condemned to be free. condemned because he/she did not create himself/herself, yet nonetheless free, because he/she is responsible for everything he/she does once cast into the world." (29) 

    We create an image of what an individual should be by setting an example of how to live; doing this, we become responsible for all other human beings, influencing each other every day. If one chooses not to do an essay and proclaims not to do it in front of a class of peers, and they decide not to do the essay, then the first individual must declare responsibility for the effect. We can choose not to make choices, but even this is still a decision.

    Despite religious beliefs, morality must be significant. Because if we turn to religion for morality, we will not get the exact solution; in this way, morality depends entirely on the individual. It is truly in our own hands. Bertrand Russell stated, "The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Knowledge and love are both indefinitely extensible; therefore, however good a life may be, a better life can be imagined." (56)

    This life is many things, but life, the essence of life, can be many things; what is suitable for one is terrible for another. Individually, the basis of life is what makes it exist. To exist or have existed, being aware of life, granting life meaning. So, if life does not have meaning, correct it.

    Understand, every saint and sinner that there ever was, or will be, has existed on earth.

Each saint and sinner had to determine an existence that demonstrated their title. All were free to exist and live how they saw fit; in this way, both are similar. Nothing stopped them from their beginning, no matter what the effect of their existence was, a meaning to life for both. Meaningless only exists where there is no meaning; in this way, meaningless does not have to be. 

    A meaning to life can be kindness and goodwill to everything in existence, but it can only be genuine if not beneficial. Nothing can be gained from showing kindness, yet so much can be gained by observing kindness. It is, indeed, a decision that can and has, saved lives. 

Knowledge brings meaning to life. There are countless examples of old truths, from the shape of the earth to cigarettes being healthy. What was considered accurate has become false through new knowledge. Different truths are discovered when questioning everything, including current truths.  

    If all life stopped tomorrow, who would be correct? The advancement of astrophysics has shown our universe to be expanding. "The galaxies outside of our own are moving away from us" (Science Reference Section 2). The stars will run out of fuel; they will cease to exist one by one. This truth has always been, during our limited knowledge—a bleak future in store.  

The truth in the age of the earth is still argued over. It seems one can accept that the world is no older than 6000 years, but one would have to deny all known Geochronology dating data that exists by stating the creator made the earth look old. It depends on the importance of the spiritual belief of an individual. To deny knowledge, deny the truth. To provide meaning. It is serving God, to conform others to God. 

    Death cannot take from the meaning of life; death is inevitable, and it takes life, but never, meaning. It seems as if life is a series of events with the outcome of death: no matter the religion, belief, or none. In this way, death is nothing to fear, but instead, fear a life without meaning. A life without knowledge, without appreciating consciousness, and lacking reflection, meditation, or contemplation. 

    Life is genuinely meaningless, so it can be meaningful, and it can be no other way. Life is life, and we are free to choose its meaning from within ourselves. It has always been this way, and it will always be. Take comfort in this; consciousness is authentic, it is all around, and it has been for a short time, and one day, it will not be. 

    The meaning of life is to learn, acquire knowledge, and seek the truth to strive to become a more genuine self. Or, utterly, it is not. 

Aristotle, Joe Sachs, and Aristotle. Aristotle's on the Soul: And, on Memory and Recollection. Santa Fe, N.M: Green Lion Press, 2001. Print.

“Tabula rasa.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tabula%20rasa. Accessed 9 Sep. 2021.

Russell, Bertrand. Why I Am Not a Christian, and Other Essays on Religion and Related Subjects. London: Unwin Books, 1975. Print.

Sartre, Jean-Paul. Existentialism Is a Humanism. Ed. John Kulka. Trans. Carol Macomber. New Haven & London: Yale UP, 2007. Print.

Science Reference Section, Library of Congress. “What Does It Mean When They Say the Universe Is Expanding?” The Library of Congress, 19 Nov. 2019, www.loc.gov/everyday-mysteries/item/what-does-it-mean-when-they-say-the-universe-is-expanding/. 

Watson, John B. Behaviorism. New York: The People's Institute Pub. Co, 1924. Print.

An Inspiration from Uta Barth.

    Uta Barth had little interest in classical photography, examining instead making the trivial and ordinary things that go unrecognized to observe. She pursues photography through a different lens, prioritizing background to inform the subject in her photographs. An intentionally blurred center in her pictures forces the observer to ascribe purpose within the background rather than the essence of the central subject itself.

"The question for me always is how can I make you aware of your ownactivity of looking, instead of losing your attention to thoughts about what it is that you are looking at?" -Uta Barth.

Uta Barth. Untitled, from Nowhere Near Series 2

Uta Barth, "Untitled Fields #14"

Uta Barth. Field #9 

Uta Barth 1995–7

 

  The Abstract invites the observer to use imagination to construct a view. Like Uta Barth, we demonstrate how photography can focus away from any traditional aspects to produce a picture. The camera can become a paintbrush, capturing movement and creating lines from the light of the environment. Consciousness is an outstanding instrument in creating, observing, and admiring the abstract. The observer becomes the solution, making these works of mine not work in vain.

Timothy Alexander Hernández, "Airport" 2021

Timothy Alexander Hernández, "Streaming" 2021

Timothy Alexander Hernández, "Tree-strings" 2021

Timothy Alexander Hernández, "Bedroom" 2021

Timothy Alexander Hernández, "Tumble" 2021

A State of Consciousness

 

A State of Consciousness 

"I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it". (2001: A Space Odyssey, 1968)

This paper will argue that Mille, my toy Australian Shepherd, and other dogs have consciousness. Greatest, I shall address a central matter: it is challenging to determine consciousness and measure it in individuals, other animals. In this way, the only way we can understand the consciousness of other animals is through observation of behavioral traits.

            Animals exhibit many similar behaviors and can likewise do things that we, individuals, cannot do. In this way, Animals are intricate beings, and it seems we have not thoroughly examined the aspects of intelligence and knowledge and possibly several other features animals may possess. The complexity of other animals, discovered or not, shows it is very likely was not the only species to have consciousness; that is to say, other animals also have a theory of mind. 

            At times, Mille's level of consciousness seems like that of a three-year-old individual, but she still knows herself from others; she displays emotions, such as fear, anger, and sadness. She is aware of her surroundings and limits, such as not walking away too far out of sight. When her name is called aloud, she responds. She recognizes tones of voice, different attitudes, and anxieties. 

            Now, it is essential to examine the theory of Physicalism; the Physicalism view declares that an entire individual contains a physical entity with various physical properties. A dualism view declares that individuals have a dual entity containing a physical entity, a body, and a non-physical entity, the mind. The mind's perspective as a non-physical entity is frequently the cause of conflict among these two opposing beliefs. 

            Now, let us examine how consciousness develops in individuals over time. It is progressive development of the brain and inner nervous system gradually over some time. It is known that infants are born without consciousness, but this advances casually from birth over many years, well into early adolescence. A young child has yet to discover that other individuals have views and thoughts different from their own. In this way, they are not capable of telling a lie. However, lying starts to develop around the age of three because they realize that their thoughts and experiences are different from others around them.

            We understand that several animals are capable of deception and cheating. Such observations determine that animals recognize themselves as separate from others. Moreover, like humans, other cognitive capabilities progress over time. Various distinct cognitive techniques grow during infancy, such as language, spatial abilities, memory, and problem-solving. These groups develop collectively to form the conscious individual.

            Another essential perspective of consciousness is that animals do not need to have a language to be conscious. Language enhances consciousness, particularly the shared collective consciousness of a society, but it is not needed in humans. So, though animals lack language as we comprehend and define it, this does not suggest they lack consciousness.

            So, if one was contemplating animals that display the qualities we consider qualified for human consciousness, we find some with other qualities that are unique to themselves. Just as a few characteristics unique to human consciousness have not been found in other species.

            In the book The Broadview Introduction to Philosophy, Andrew Bailey presents Thomas Nagel's article "What is it like to be a bat?" which explains how consciousness can only be observed, but never a total understanding of consciousness from any other being apart from ourselves.

facts about what it is like for the experiencing organism are accessible only from one point of view then it is a mystery how the true character of experiences could be revealed in the physical operation of that organism are accessible only from one point of view then it is a mystery how the true character of experiences could be revealed in the physical operation of that organism. (qtd. in Bailey 378)  

So, a physical explanation of the world from dissimilar animals with a perceptual system is a basic means of explaining the world experienced by different creatures. 

In this way, if a bat or dog had as many cognitive abilities as human beings, such as communication with language and complex thoughts, we could provide a bat or dog a similar science that we practice, and the animal would have the ability to inform us of all the information found as well as a physical objective description of the world.

            The animal could not provide us a sensation of what it is like to be a dog, barking and running around, rolling on dead animals, chewing house shoes, or flying around as a bat, echolocating its surroundings. Moreover, even a physical language cannot grasp that conscious experience. It would be reductive as it lessens any sensation to an objective collection of facts that could be understood from all perspectives. 

            We cannot get away from our singular subjective primary viewpoint to obtain another animal's more trustworthy objective understanding. The only way we can understand the consciousness of other animals is through observation, converting terms accessible to animals that could not imagine what it was like to be human. 

            It seems, seeking more objective knowledge of an equivalent phenomenon, that is, consciousness, can never be achieved. Even if leaving a primary subjective viewpoint toward another that is more objective, it still cannot fully be understood what it is like for one thing to exist as another. 

A state of consciousness exists in Mille, Fletcher, and a bat. However, it can only be observed objectively, and we will never produce a subjective viewpoint of such animals. Studies can explain a state of consciousness of several animals but never the entire sensation of existing as that animal. 

Consciousness exists in Mille, unique and entirely of its definition; although it can be compared toward other animals’ consciousness, it can never be fully understood. However, Mille and Fletcher exist with a state of consciousness that humans can attempt to understand through observation of behavioral traits but will still be unique to the animal; in this way, we can never fully understand such a state, but it does exist. 

Works Cited

Andrew Bailey. The Broadview Introduction to Philosophy. Available from: VitalSource 

  Bookshelf, Broadview Press, 2019.

Kubrick, Stanley, and Arthur C. Clarke. 2001: A Space Odyssey. United States: Metro-

   

Goldwyn-Mayer Corp, 1968.

 

The Problem of Evil.

    I will first describe the horrendous suffering of Job, his plead for answers, and the lecture god responds with about divine power. 

    Job, a man with great obedience to God. He feared God and detested Evil; in this way, no one could compare to Job. God granted divine protection over the life of Job and provided a life of abundance. Satan understood that all the beautiful attributes in Job's life came directly from God. Job had no reason to turn away from God because the luxurious life he was enjoying came from a covenant with God. Satan wanted to prove that breaking that covenant would completely abandon Job's obedience to God. God granted Satan the authority of Job's entire existence; Satan agreed and annihilated everything Job held dear, including his body. Job denounces not only God but everything that was, is, and is to come.

    I will now explain how the story of Job presents the Problem of Evil, existing in the form of a narration, which outdates the Book of Genesis. 

    I want to identify Evil by two definitions. 1) Moral Evil- evil committed, on purpose, by humans. 2) Natural Evil- Evil we're not responsible for. Let us start with the words of Job, “I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.” (Job. 30. 20) From these words, we see the repercussions of evil happening despite an existence dedicated to the obedience of God. Job's only purpose is to please God, to show his loyalty through any means, including ritualistic ceremonies of burnt offerings. Job asks, "Does he not see my ways and count my every step?" (Job. 31. 4) And yet Jobs' entire life is laid to waste; everything he has ever done has been in vain. Evil displaced all good with an audience of God. 

    I will now discuss the response of God to Job. 

    From a storm, God calls out, "Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge?" (New International Version, Job. 38. 2.) With that statement from God, every word spoken from Job during his affliction was an obstruction to God's plan. And the phrase Job had said, in total agony, were without knowledge. God speaks of several wonders and their complexities from all over the earth. All of which were created and maintained by God. The sufferings Job endured were entirely forgotten by Job in the presence of God. Job admits to God that he could never understand the vastness, the creation, or operation of all life on earth. Job repents in shame in the presence of God and regrets all the curses he made. God restores everything that he lost. 

    I will now discuss how God did not answer the Problem of Evil. 

    First, I would like to point out that the age of the book of Job is unknown. But evidence exists showing it was written sometime in the 2nd millennium BCE. God was able to describe great wonders that nothing else could achieve but God. “Do you have an arm like God’s, and can your voice thunder like his?” (New International Version, Job. 40. 9.) If Job were to have an arm like God, he would be able to “crush the wicked where they stand.” (New International Version, Job. 40. 12.) But Job is not God, so Job cannot crush the wicked. The wicked still exist, Evil still exists. The Problem of Evil still exists. 

 

    Before I explain the arguments of J. L. Mackie, it would be essential to define an Omni-God, that is 

1) Omniscient- all-knowing. 

2) Omnipotent- all-powerful. 

3) Omnibenevolent- infinite goodness.

4) Omnitemporal- existing in all places.

5) Omnipresent- existing at all times.  

    Mackie's argument uses logic to expose “the Paradox of Omnipotence” using the premises as follows:

a) God exists and is wholly good. (Omnipotent and Omniscient)

b) Evil exists.

c) An Omnipotent, Omniscient being is bound by nothing.

d) A wholly good being permanently eliminates or prevents Evil as far as it can.

(If a and c) then e) God can eliminate or prevent all Evil.

(If a and d) then f) God will eliminate or prevent all the Evil he can.

(If e and f) then g) God eliminates or prevents all Evil.

(If g then h) Evil does not exist.

(If b and h) then i) Evil exists, and Evil does not exist. 

    So, viewing each premise leads to a logical impossibility (Paradox). One of the premises is wrong. Evil still exists. 

    At last, I will briefly discuss the argument from Marilyn Adams. I will use her quote to begin. "The worst evils demand to be defeated by the best goods. Horrendous evils can be overcome only by the goodness of God." (McCord 309) From this statement, the goodness of God can overcome Evil, not prevent it or eliminate it. So, this cannot be a counterargument to Mackie but instead ignores the paradox and presents a view that it would be "hopeless" (McCord 306) to seek out the answers to why Evil exists. Instead, she argues that all the Evil plaguing our existence will be engulfed (be overcome) by an intimate relationship with God. Adams offers a Christian response to the Problem of Evil, but not a solution. If anything, it leads to several more questions. For example, out of the 45,000 denominations of Christianity, which one provides the goodness of God that can overcome Evil? 

    I will conclude my discussion with this. 

    God does not exist- Evil exists. God does exist- Evil exists. 

 

 

Work Cited.

Holy Bible. New International Version, Zondervan Publishing House, 1984.

From Marilyn McCord Adams and Stewart Sutherland, “Horrendous Evils and the Goodness of God,” Proceedings of the Aristotelian Society, Supplementary Volumes 63 (1989): 297–310.

What Do You See?

Edgar Degas, France 1834-1917, "In a Cafe" (alt. title "L'Absinthe" - absinthe is a type of liquor) 1852

 

                                Edward Hopper, America 1882-1967, "Nighthawks" 1942

What Do You See?

The paintings, "In a Cafe" also called "L'Absinthe," painted in 1852, by Edgar Degas, and

"Nighthawks," painted in 1942, by Edward Hopper has many similarities while still being unique. At a

professional level or an amateur level, art remains one of the major forms of human expression, an artist

is trying to communicate.

From commercials with cartoon characters smoking cigarettes to magazine ads with

doctors recommending a certain brand of cigarette, tobacco has been enjoyed and admired by society 

for decades until the advancement of medical science that now advises against the consumption of 

tobacco products. In a café, a well-dressed man can be seen with a wooden pipe in his mouth and in the 

painting Nighthawks, a billboard advertisement for Phillies, a type of cigar that still exists in a store 

near you. The wooden tobacco pipe, In a café depicts, was a common device used to consume tobacco 

in 1852. Considering all the ways one can now consume tobacco, the tobacco pipe has become a less

common method to use tobacco. This becomes clear in Nighthawks; the wooden pipe is now replaced 

by a more modern and convenient method to use tobacco, the Cigar. The desire to consume 

tobacco now consumes both eras. One method is just more modern than the other.

             Dressing well has always been a luxury. From kings wearing gold to Gucci suits, money can 

buy you the finest. The people in both paintings are dressed well, so to speak, from a lovely hat the lady

is wearing in L-absinthe to the blue suit with a grey fedora, the man is wearing in Nighthawks. The only

one not dressed luxuriously is the waiter at the diner in Nighthawks, he does not have the luxury to do 

so. As he must tend to the patrons.

            The couple in L-absinthe, dress very nicely, as does the woman at the diner in Nighthawks, with

her bright red dress. Both couples could very well be on a big night out. Someone could question while

viewing both paintings, “Is it their first stop or last stop?” That is the beauty of such a capture, one that

can be pulled directly from real-time. Both artists do this well in these paintings.

            Both paintings are snapshots taken of a social environment. Nighthawks takes place at a diner,

while L'Absinthe takes place in a café. Coffee can be seen in Nighthawks while Absinthe is being

served in the painting In a café. The alcoholic beverage Absinthe was illegal in the United States

because of the toxic properties it contained. Until regulations on the measurement of toxic herbs used to

create the beverage were put into place in 2007. Diners in the U.S.A around 1942, would not be serving

up this drink. But in France in the year 1852, the toxic drink could be enjoyed regularly. The darkness 

that surrounds the diner is illuminated by the bright, welcoming lights on the ceiling of the diner. The 

light In a café comes from somewhere unseen, but it comes from in front o the couple in the painting 

because their shadows can be seen cast behind them. The darkness from Nighthawks comes from the 

structures that exist beyond the diner. They are vacant, not occupied late at night. Sepia tones bring 

darkness to the painting L-Absinthe. These reddish-brown tones can be seen in the lady’s dress as well 

as the booth, the couple is seated at.

            The colors are bright and vivid in Nighthawks. From the countertops to empty shelves across the

street of the diner, vivid colors are seen on the buildings and sidewalks, illuminated by the diner light.

The colors in L-absinthe are dark, muted, and hazy, even with all the light colors that are seen 

throughout the painting cannot overcome the haziness of the matte colors that make the painting look 

heavy.

            In a café adds more weight to the heaviness of the overall painting when observing the focal

point. The look of despair on the woman’s face could tell a story all on its own. It is haunting, much 

like the emptiness felt when being alone in a crowded room like the late-night atmosphere of 

the diner in Nighthawks. The diner has a bigger group of people than the café, yet both paintings 

display an equal amount of loneliness. The blank silent stares from the customers in the diner shadow 

the sad haunting stare of the lady in the café, both appear to be waiting for something. The lady looks 

to be waiting for the attention of the man as he fixes his gaze elsewhere. Each patron in the diner waits 

in silence. Waiting for anything to break that silence.

            Human expression is a vital tool we use to connect to one another, in person, photographs,

through motion pictures and art. A smile has no language barrier, nor does a frown. The human

expression is our greatest form of communication with each other. Human existence has been

expressed through art for an exceptionally long time. Art that can be found on cave walls, inside the

tombs of kings and from all corners of the earth, in this way, various parallels can be seen in art 

depicting human expression, while remaining distinctive. The artist can connect with an observer 

and communicate directly through the art itself. What do you see? 

 

Have you ever been in danger?

 Dear Reader, 

            Growing up outside of Austin had a few benefits, a good one was having downtown Austin only 25 minutes away.  I was able to experience the downtown night life scene, I even had someone’s ID that allowed me to buy liquor and get into clubs but that is another story for another day.

            From ROT rallies at fifteen to ridiculously expensive lofts I had no business in right off Guadalupe Street at seventeen. I truly did my share of living a fast life, too fast at times and as I get older it becomes harder to remember it all, except for the times I was in actual danger.

Having a close call can really burn a situation into a memory, a memory that often turns into a nightmare waking me up only to stare towards the ceiling with relief of it being over because if this situation went any different, I might not be here to tell it today.

            The high school I transferred to was built in 1998. When I got there in 2001 it was in great shape, especially compared to the 30-year-old high school I transferred from in my hometown. So, my school was built because of the rapid expansion in the region and it hasn't stopped growing. In 2000 the population was 26,049 and today it has grown to 80,844.

The halls of my school reflected the cultural diversity of the growing city that surrounded it. Everything was new, bright, and interesting. My first day was on a Monday, made friends and was out on the town by Friday night. By the time I knew it 4 years had passed, it was the weekend, and it was time to get out and have some fun with friends back in their hometown of San Antonio.

A group of us would get together and head to San Antonio to meet up with friends of friends and their friends of friends. It had become routine, but I could not tell you how to get there to save my life because I never drove.

A quick road trip consisted of catching up and having a great time. We ended up at an apartment complex and everyone was on their patios doing the same thing we had planned. Partying.

The environment was absolutely on point, it felt like a movie and we could no longer stay inside. The get-togethers could be heard all around the complex, calling our names. It was about an hour spent walking around enjoying the various activities that the individual gatherings had to offer until a friend needed a few things and decided she wanted to go back and get them, so a small group of us chose to go with her.

Four of us set off back to the apartment, enjoying each other’s company and completely unaware someone was watching us. As we turn a corner towards the apartment, an older man from a parked beat-up work van calls out to a friend who was just catching up. My friend stops and turns towards this stranger and pauses. The stranger asks calmly “do you know where marks party is at?” the stranger looks over at us and smiles. “No, I don’t.” he replies. The stranger, still looking at us replies with a hushed “well, why don’t we go find it together?”

My nightmare always starts where the encounter starts. It all happened so fast; I often find myself trying to slow it down so I can view it in more detail. The stranger snaps his gaze back to my friend, slams his fist on the side of the vehicle and screams, “GET IN THE FUCKING VAN!” I have never moved so fast in my life; I could have run on water. The vehicle starts up, reverses, and peels out towards the exit of the complex. It becomes a blur, but we all make it to the apartment together and safe.

 The situation was surreal and as we discussed what had happened, at the time we did not fully understand the severity of it all. I usually always try to wake myself up before the nightmare can begin but last night I could not. I turned the corner just in time to see the stranger in a panic, wide eyed and sweating, slamming shut the sliding side door of his beat-up van. He turns towards me, smiles and waves.

                                    Sincerely Yours,

                                                                                Timothy                                                                                                                                            

The Day I Felt Nothing Inside.

 

Have you ever experienced racism?

 

I have always tried to look on the bright side of things, even when I was little, I would always cheer for the hero and absolutely detest the villain. Even when the villain had the odds in their favor, I knew eventually their time would run out. Growing up my grandmother would always find ways to show my sisters and I stories from the bible. One of the first books I read growing up was the book of Job, I remember being upset how god would just let the devil destroy the life of one of his servants. My young mind tried to grasp the idea as I read the book, being frustrated as Job was brought to rock bottom. Even the ending when God restored all Job had lost, he did not do it because Job deserved it, God gave it to Job as a gift. Since reading the book the first time I have since read it at least 50 times if not more, each time with better understanding. Trust. The book is about trusting in a God that knows exactly what we have been through, what we are going through and what we will go through.

 

Dear Reader.

 

Working in the oilfield having a holiday off is rare. You basically try to make up lost time with family and events on scheduled days off. One day while starting my work week (which consisted of seven days on call followed by two days off.) Our crew was told a yard in Louisiana was terribly busy and could not keep up with the customers requesting service for their oilwells. We were to travel to Louisiana to assist with servicing several oilwells in the area. We gathered our equipment, packed our bags and began our six-hour journey on a chilly Christmas eve. Cigarettes and sunflower seeds were my solution to the boredom that comes with such a long distance through rural country and the stress of driving an overweight vehicle through a remarkably busy downtown Houston, Tx for the first time.

As we approach the Texas Louisiana state line, the supervisor over our CB radio informs the convoy, “we will need to pull over at a truck stop before crossing the state line.” The convoy pulls over and gathers around to find out some of the vehicles in our group will need an updated IFTA-registration. Essentially, when your vehicle is IFTA-registered, you record the distance traveled in each state or province and pay the appropriate fuel taxes. A mechanic from the yard we were to assist was headed our way with the updated registration. Four hours until we are on the road again. We finally reach our destination. The manager of the yard greeted us and gave us details of the service needed for the customers oilwell and informed us the customer will not be needing service until the next day. Christmas day.

                The crew and I were able to rest before the call to head to location which came in around 3 a.m. as we headed towards the destination my tire blows out. I cannot begin to describe the frustration that had been building since having to miss time with my family on this holiday. The tire on my vehicle was a “super single” not a common tire, so the dispatch had to not only find the special tire but also had to find a towing company willing to come help on Christmas day. 4 hours later a towing service finally arrives, and he does not look happy. He throws his seat belt off, lights a cigar and spits on the ground as he slams his door. I offer a hello which he completely ignores, I try to make small talk with him, and he just looks at me as if I am not there. After putting the tire on and literally throwing tools back into the fleet vehicle he turns towards me, spits on the ground and hands me a receipt. “Here, boy.” The disgust in his tone was something I had never felt before.

                The location of the oilwell was off a county road surround by large trees, trees that appeared to be as tall as buildings and so thick you could not see beyond them. Even with the extremely high lumen lights installed on the oil rig it still could not be seen from the county road. The oil rig was in the middle of running casing pipe down freshly drilled out earth. The third-party company tasked for that process had just finished up and were leaving location. Their crew could be seen from our approach, they looked exhausted and were covered in a mixture of drilling fluids, dirt and sweat. A hard day’s work completed. Our convoy parked the equipment and gathered for a safety meeting. As I am walking towards the meeting area, I cross paths with a worker from the oilrig. He looks me up and down, spits and says out loud, “I thought we got rid of all of them? They’re like roaches the further south you go! Make sure y’alls cars are locked!” he laughed as the others from his crew caught up from behind him. It stopped me in my tracks. For the first time in my life, I felt empty, absolutely nothing. Not mad or sad just blank. Those words cut me in half. From everything I went through to get to that location to every day I had lived had led me to that moment, to be belittled on Christmas day.             Trust.

Job 11:17 Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.

 

Sincerely Yours

Timothy.